Lean In, Lean Out: Let’s Do Better

A few weeks ago I was sent this article by several women from the Women in Leadership Nexus, “Enough Leaning In. Let’s Tell Men to Lean Out.”

The article is worth your reading. I will pause while you do.

It left me feeling immediately charged as a flood of thoughts raced through me including:

Oh gosh, am I complicit in exacerbating this problem as I tend to lean into my “take charge” qualities more than my “take care” qualities, particularly in the workplace?

Do I act differently when I am with men than I do with women because of subconscious thoughts about how my gender impacts me?

Hmm, interesting point the author makes when she writes, “Women! Be more like men. Men, as you were.” Why can’t we just act like ourselves and not be penalized?

It’s so frustrating that certain behaviors have long been labeled as gender specific and this is conditioned in us from the time we are children. Why can’t we stop gender-typing?

I never even thought about all these leadership trainings that help women to be more assertive, confident and out-spoken. Why are the trainings so one-dimensional?

Wait a minute… what about the men who are awesome? Why does the author appear to be over-generalizing all men? I work with—and have worked with—some fantastic men.

There is so much to unpack but today I want to zero in on one central thought:

Instead of leaning in, or leaning out, why can’t we just work together to do better… by ourselves and by others.

Let me explain…

Countless articles, books, podcasts, etc., suggest that women need to lean in—e.g. own their potential by seizing opportunity, being unapologetically ambitious, projecting confidence and grabbing a seat at the table, etc.—while men need to lean out, or modify/adapt their behaviors and tendencies to be more supportive of women professionally. Many pundits present these concepts as almost co-dependent in that if women are going to focus on leaning in, men need to give them space and support by leaning out.

A core issue with this approach is that it asks us as individuals to change how we behave based on whether we are a woman or a man. Women and men, simply put, should not have to change how they behave in order to be treated equal. Instead, we need to focus on doing better. On building forward-facing workplace cultures that allow each of us to show up as our authentic self, while working together to fight the inequity.

Wouldn’t it be incredible if we could come together as people—not men and women—and agree upon a collective set of values that we believe are fundamentally needed in both our professional and personal worlds. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if we made this list without worrying about whether we were writing down too many “female” or “male” associated qualities and instead celebrated that we were coming up with human qualities?

That list might include things like:

Inclusion

Compassion

Empathy

Support

Passion

Co-Creation

Collaboration

Creativity

Spirit

Care

Kindness

Teamwork

Drive

… and so on

So what if some of these are historically associated with one gender more than the other? Let’s challenge that way of thinking and build a workplace in which all individuals—no matter their gender, race, sexual orientation, religion, place in the corporate hierarchy, etc.—feel equally heard, cared for and supported.

Isn’t that what we all really want anyways?

Instead of focusing on women leaning in and men leaning out, let’s broaden the conversation on how we can do better in the workplace by:

• Improving our hiring processes so that we hire employees who are not just competent but who are emotionally aware and embrace an inclusive mindset

• Protecting and defending our workplace culture, when things are going well and even more so when things are not going great

• Not being afraid to call inequity to the mat when we spot it, no matter how big or small

• Cultivating stronger leaders at all levels so that a better way is modeled each and every day

To create more equal, inclusive workplaces is anything but easy. It requires men and women working together to find a new way that works, instead of asking each side to amend how they show up.

Let’s Do Better

Concepts like Lean In and Lean Out are important. They are born out of a fierce desire to create gender parity at work. But as we all know, there is a ton of work that we need to do to make our workplaces more equal, inclusive and safe, and it goes well beyond gender.

It’s a huge issue to tackle and one that requires incredible work at both small and macro levels. But I like to think that it can start with people like us. People who commit to doing better. That can mean a lot of things like:

Making sure our voices are being heard, but also pausing to make sure we are actively listening to others.

Being both confident and vulnerable; emotional and poised; out-spoken and reserved… and all those other beautifully dichotomously paired characteristics.

Supporting each other fiercely and approach life from a place of abundance, not scarcity.

Apologizing when we hurt people.

Celebrating the art of self-improvement and always find ways to learn, expand, evolve and improve.

Treating everyone equally.

Committing, together, to actively co-create a better business world where everyone gets to pull up a seat to the table.

Continuing to broaden the conversation about inequity, in all the forms that it exists.

Resolving to do better each and every day.

So… who is with me?!