Why ‘Why’ is Your Most Powerful Question

I was one of those kids who was constantly asking, “Why?” I’m sure I drove my parents crazy.

Why did that dude in the grocery store snap at the cashier? If dragons didn’t actually exist, why did so many people write stories about them? What was the exact mechanism by which cigarettes damaged lung tissue?

I left my dad a packet of photocopied information about that last one on his bed when I was four, complete with grainy images of black lungs. To his credit, he quit cold turkey the next day.)

And there was no answer I loathed more than “Because, that’s just the way it is.” Inevitably, I would reply, “But why?”

I’ve always been an information junkie. My favorite place as a kid was the library. I researched the hell out of every subject that interested me. Sharks, dinosaurs, the cognitive effects of illegal drugs, first aid procedures, Druidism, medieval history, and fashion design all made the list.

As I got older, I developed a somewhat dangerous obsession with psychology. I wanted to know why people did things. Why they lashed out or retreated inward. Why they made decisions that contradicted statements they’d made only moments before. Why some were happy and content, and others depressed or aloof.

In my early twenties, I started to turn this lens on myself. My family tree was full of depression and mental illness, and I was starting to experience many of the same symptoms. I was constantly replaying a mental tape of, “I’m not good enough. I’m not worthy. I’m broken. I can’t have what I really want.” And I kept making choices congruent with those truths, which in turn made me feel worse about myself.

The thing was, everything I was saying to myself felt true. And so, part of me believed I had to accept these truths—to learn to live with them, even though I didn’t like them. But another part of me knew that I didn’t want to spend my life waging war against my dark thoughts. There were other truths out there—one I hadn’t yet seen or experienced. So, I started asking some of my biggest questions yet.

“Why do I think/feel/believe this?”

“Is there another way to look at this?”

These are powerful questions. And they have the power to turn our inner—and outer—world upside down.

I get asked a lot why personal growth is relevant in the professional world. My reply is that inner work is the only way to get useful, actionable answers to all of our biggest “whys.”

Who we think we are, and what we believe about our world, creates our reality. Everything is perception. (This isn’t just spiritual dogma. It’s quantum science.) Therefore, the quest to understand ourselves at a deep level—why we do what we do, what we like and dislike, what we value and what we disdain—is one of the most important research projects we can undertake in this lifetime.

The truth is, your reality isn’t created by the experiences, situations, and people you encounter. It’s created by the conclusions you draw about these things—the stories you tell in your head to make sense of them.

In other words, the fact that you think it doesn’t make it true.

And yet, when we don’t know the “why” of ourselves, so many of us operate on that premise. We don’t even know what our truths are—let alone how they’re shaping our choices every day. We don’t know that we can decide, consciously, what is true for us—and that, if we no longer like the truths we’ve been living with, we can choose new ones.

Perception is the ultimate expression of free will, and the key to creating success, joy, contentment, and purpose in every area of our lives. Understand and unravel your unhelpful truths and conclusions, and you can shift your reality.

You’ve seen this phenomenon at work. You’ve seen that person who refuses to listen when others say, “That’s impossible,” and goes on to create a huge breakthrough in her field. You’ve seen it in critically injured people who become world-class athletes. You’ve seen it in people who forgive atrocities, who heal from addictions, who change cultures within their organizations. These people aren’t special by birth. They’re specialists at choosing their truths.

For twenty-something me, choosing new truths looked like constantly challenging the thoughts that tore me down inside. I had to be vigilant for a long time. Every time a negative thought surfaced, I would examine it. Where did it come from? Did I really believe this, or was it a story I’d told myself? Often, just paying attention to what I was thinking revealed how silly, skewed, or untrue my thought actually was. I could then set the thought aside and move on.

I started doing things I was previously afraid to do. I started putting myself out there. I started taking chances. I started trusting my creative instincts. I started believing in my work—and more, in my own ability to ask the right questions. I created success according to my own definition.

None of this happened because other people changed, or because my situation changed, or because someone gave me permission. It happened because I changed.

So, if you’re on a quest to break through to the next level professionally, challenge yourself to go on an inner journey. For every feeling, every thought, and every story you tell, ask yourself, “Why?” and keep asking until you get answers. Become a specialist at choosing your truths—and watch as a whole new landscape unfolds for you.