The You Before, The You Who Comes Next
I recently stumbled upon a media interview I did almost a year ago on Feb. 24, 2020, about the purpose and growth of the Women in Leadership Nexus. I remember that day uncannily well. As a society, we were already talking about COVID-19. Fear was brewing. Uncertainty hung in the air.
As I made my way to the TV station, I moved ever-so slightly away from others as I crossed the street. Hand sanitizer was in my purse. My husband and I had just canceled our trip to California out of an abundance of caution. I made a mental note to pick up some toilet paper on the way home.
The interview I filmed on Feb. 24, 2020, in many ways, has become the last real artifact of the Me I was before this. The Me who had not yet uttered the terms “social distancing,” “14-day quarantine” and “3-ply masks.” The Me who loved busyness and outlets to satisfy my extroversion. The Me who was planning my Dad and Mom’s birthday parties with my sisters. The Me who had just chosen “Brave” as her word of the year (more on that here).
Fast forward a few days and the world locked down. Unthinkable personal and professional pain, loss and hardship dominated. Our fight-or-flight response activated. Businesses shuttered their doors. Loneliness took on new meaning. Dreams for a bright 2020 seemed to evaporate in a matter of seconds.
As days turned into weeks, 2020 sent us message upon message that far too many of us had fallen asleep at the wheel. Lulled into the false belief that “returning to normal” was what everyone wanted. Not doing nearly enough to fight systemic racism, champion for LGBTQ rights, tackle food inequity, destigmatize mental health, address climate change, build businesses centered upon kindness not toxicity… the list goes on.
Suddenly, we began realizing that this time of forced quiet, introspection, and physical separation could be used to get to work. To disrupt our thought processes, dive into our implicit bias and develop into a more evolved version of ourselves on the other side. A better version of ourselves.
Perhaps like you, I did just that. I got to work. I started really examining the role that race and privilege play in my life, something which had taken me far too long to do. Conversations with friends and family members got heavier as we talked about police brutality, politics and the election, and poverty and inequity. What I watched on TV, the people I followed on social media, the education I was seeking out… everything started to change. The lens through which I say “yes” or “no” to opportunity was adjusted. The way I think about my ability to have impact has forever changed. This work is by no means done. Rather, it is just beginning.
I continually think, Who do I want to be on the other side of this? How will I have changed? What new insight will I have gained? What will I do differently as a result?
At the same time, in moments of complete honesty, I also battle with missing pre-pandemic Me. The Me I described to you above. The Me in that video. The Me that has never felt farther away.
Are you in a similar space?
Experiencing this dichotomy of missing the You before this, while also feeling immense desire to be better? A push-and-pull of not wanting to forget what you loved most about the “old you,” while also fighting through your own discomfort and introspection to become more evolved? A yearning to make 2020 the year you step into over-drive with aspirations, while also wanting to slow down and rest? Pressure to feel wildly different, while also wondering if the You before was so bad?
I think we can choose all of it.
To commit to carrying forward the best parts of pre-pandemic Us, while also making room for the awareness and inner-work that we so desperately need. To miss what was, while recognizing that what was did not work for 99% of our neighbors and friends, so we need to be part of building a world that works for all. To celebrating the parts of pre-pandemic Us that were pretty great, while shining a light on the parts that require further examination.
We will never go back to pre-pandemic Us… and that’s a good thing. It means our higher version is ahead. But it also doesn’t mean that we have to let that version of Us go entirely.
You can choose to honor the You who came before, while creating room for the You who will come next.
Carrie is committed to affecting change and fueled by desire to take action. Carrie is the Founder and CEO of the Women in Leadership Nexus®. She is also the Vice President of Marketing at SQA Group. Carrie was named the 2019 "Woman to Watch" in the Providence Business News' Professional Services category; a 2019 winner on the RI Inno 50 On Fire List; a 2017 Rhode Island “40 Under 40” honoree and a 2016 Rhode Island Tech10 Winner.